Writer’s Block (or the barricade)

I have a bad case of writer’s block. It’s not lack of inspiration, or choosing the right word or any creative aspect. No. Its health, or lack thereof, a countdown to being homeless (thanks to political maneuvers from both VA and Democratic Party members) and a university (that will remain nameless for now) that decided to fire a disabled veteran while on medical leave.

But I’m just whining, right? It’s not like having your spine fused by titanium hardware is bad. Or how the VA ensures veterans become addicts by giving them two days worth of meds less than the time frame on each month’s prescription. Or being told that I won’t get temporary social security disability (that thing I’ve paid into my whole life) because I’m white. Don’t worry, liberals, you can argue that one. But it’s the reason why I record all VA and SSI encounters.

Back to my problem. I need to write the dealio on the back of my book. Yes, that’s it. And I can’t focus enough. It’s one of the most important things, something people read and use to decide whether or not they will take a chance on a new writer.

But how can I write when I scream in pain at moments? When breathing feelings like a rail road spike being hammered into my skull. Oh, and only having enough money left for three months.

“Get a job you hippy”

I’d love to, but what kind of job can I get? I can’t walk or stand more than ten minutes or so. I can’t drive more than an hour, and after I need to make medication so I don’t grind my teeth to dust. Yeah, and being on medication means I only have a certain amount of time where I’m productive. Ideal candidate right here, right?

But rather than pan handle, I decided that I will try something where I don’t have to use this crumbling body, but instead my mind. Math was my first choice, because I am good at it. But, too bad universities are dangerous places for anyone who isn’t a neo-fascist liberal or neo-communist. And I went out of my way to keep my mouth shut. But like the VA, universities will assume veterans are conservative.

Sure, the GI Bill is a great revenue stream for them, but in grad school, there arent that many who served.

For me, that leaves writing. I am good at it. What am I talking about? I’m great at it. I still intend to bring back science fiction from vampires and zombies. But how can I write without the ticking of this clock, constant doctor’s appointments where invariably I get bad news and calls from lawyers telling me that I have no rights working as a grad student.

“Jesus, where do you live?”

New York in the once great U.S.A. I was born and raised here. It’s why I came back after active duty. Boy was that a mistake. But what’s done is done. So now, the die is cast, and I wait. These are slow moving dice, they take about three months to stop.

I’m hoping for a seven, but bracing for those snake eyes.

Signed, Somebody that hasn’t given up, but will accept possible defeat with dignity.


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