Self Driving Cars…Again

So I was reading yet another article about self driving cars. That lead to others and others and I can safely lump all of them into two categories.

  1. Not for me, never gonna happen.
  2. It’s inevitable you troglodytes, they’re safer and more efficient.

So rather than say what I think in the same ol’ manner. I will paint a picture of a possible future.

Its in the recent future. Self driving cars have been mandated by government. You don’t need a license because everyone is a passenger. Traffic jams still happen because these cars are driving everyone, everywhere.

Nobody owns a car anymore. Two big companies (one owned by Google, the other Amazon) run two such services, with a few local companies nibbling at market share. You tell your smart phone where you’re going and in five minutes, a bubble car comes.

Everyone accepts the risks, and sure, sometimes a terrorist leaves a package in one of these cars for the next ride-sharer. But it’s still safer than all those nasty highway accidents, right?

And sometimes you get a nasty smelly ride-sharer already in the car. But it’s cool, its the future! Of course for the discerning clientele you can sign up for the Tesla ride share.

For less than a monthly payment (adjusted to inflation of course, which has been addressed by government of course) you ride in supple eco-friendly and Animal-Free-Leather (patent pending 2052). WIth surround sound and complete social media connectivity automatically done!

You choose the color, what options and you can virtually own a brand new Tesla. Virtually because Tesla still owns the actual car, and the rights to any modifications, but the liability is equally shared, just like ride-sharing! There is a fine if your Tesla isn’t clean on the inside. Sure, some people will tear the leather, sorry, the Animal-Free-Leather, or leave the double cappuccino espresso vivace cup and the croissant wrapper behind.But that’s no excuse to not clean YOUR car. Yes, it is yours, virtually!

Sure, cabbies, truckers don’t work anymore. And buses don’t exist. Not when transit authorities replace trains and buses with a fleet of these efficient self driving cars. Just sign up online and join.

They’re going to school as part of Social Security Vocational Rehabilitation program, funded of course for free, all the way up the PhD levels. Universities are large organizations now, focused on spreading higher learning and free thinking to everyone! Mandatory classes in ideology, social studies and social history are great too. They make sure everyone knows why things are the way they are, and why they are simply the best.

Automation has replaced most jobs. In fact, a new Apple product is about to launch, called the work-share program. It’s a machine that does your work, using the latest in AI tech, that learns how to do your job, with no mistakes and with a high efficiency rating.

Sure, you have to pay Apple, but you can afford it. Plus, it does your eight hour job in just five! Then it goes to another job, another work-share member for the best social efficiency possible! It’s what makes our society so great! Efficiency at every level.

Sure, there are still some miscreants that claim they want to control their own lives, but that’s just so passe. Why they don’t like getting their monthly allowance from the Automation Job Displacement fund is beyond anyone with sophistication of thought.

Computers are so much more trustworthy than humans. Computers can’t be bought (ok, technically sure) they can’t be corrupted (we don’t count hackers) and they simply know what’s best in a variety of scenarios!

It’s absurd to think that not doing things for ourselves will rob us of being human. I still have human DNA, and besides, so many people have computer controlled linked to the network pacemakers and other devices. All of them with awesome apps for your smartphone! Who doesn’t want your vitals linked and visible instantly?

In fact, I didnt write this at all. My self-writing blog did! I’m just sitting at home watching what my smart-TV decides. It shows me all those relevant and stimulating Vine videos. I am connected and so should you.

So WILL you.

So, there you have it. I personally like new tech, but never at the cost of taking away the human factor. It’s why nobody cares about space, because nobody goes there. We have “connected” devices that go there and we sit on the same rock getting fat and ugly. I’m sorry, fat is the new pretty, because it’s on the covers of magazines now.

Who would have thought that the most honest, stimulating technology was in the 60s, when man stepped on the Moon, and the most honest social media is online porn. And you thought my little story was outlandish. I must be asleep and woke up in a yuppy insane asylum planet…

Signed, Somebody that will hold a steering wheel until hands are cold and dead, for I am Human!

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